Biggest Pet Peeves of Buffalo Sabres Zamboni Drivers

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

– New York requires 6 months of Zamboni Ed classes.

– Key Bank Arena’s ban on texting while ice resurfacing.

– Now that two Zambonis are used, must carry uninsured Zamboni insurance.

– Zamboni radio can’t pick up NPR.

– Rob Ray refuses to apologize for keying Zamboni’s hood.

– Zamboni license immediately revoked if caught exceeding Key Bank Arena’s maximum speed limit of 2 mph.

  • – Doug Allen keeps begging to ride shotgun.

– Must bring your own Zamboni to DMV road test.

  • – Still need cataract surgery from the blue ice experiment.

– Zamboni valet parking attendant always reeks of whiskey.

  • – Running over Sabretooth carries 4 points on license.
  • – When reporting engine troubles to a mechanic, management mandates we say nothing more than describing it as a lower engine injury.

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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