by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

With word this week that Jon Bon Jovi was serious about buying the Bills and claiming he would keep them in Buffalo, sports comedian Jeff Wozer thought about things would be different at One Bills Dive had the New Jersey rocker become the team owner instead of Terry & Kim Pegula.

  • Players fined for tossing drumsticks into the stands.
  • A documentary covering the Bills last 10 years would be titled “Rex & Dougs & Rock-n-Roll.”
  • Sean McDermott would coach in a sleeveless denim vest.
  • The “Hail Mary” play would be now be “Living on a Prayer”
  • Bon Jovi would expose Elvis fan as an imposter.
  • At the start of every 4th quarter Jon Bon Jovi, out of habit, would scream over the stadium PA system, “We just might stay here and play all night!”
  • Team would play a 17-gig schedule.
  • Players would wear padded leather pants.
  • Sean McDermott when asked during postgame press conferences why he called a certain play would answer, “Because I’m a cowboy wanted dead or alive.”
  • John Murphy would host his show wearing eyeliner.
  • Bon Jovi would dominate People Magazine’s Annual Sexiest NFL Owner award.

For more humorous takes on the Buffalo sports world, visit Jeff’s author’s section at Buffalo Sports Page.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

Leave a Reply