Additional Reasons Why The Buffalo Bills Traded Marcel Dareus

By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Sports Humorist

Comedian Jeff Wozer has uncovered some additional reasons why the Bills traded Marcell Dareus to Jacksonville on Friday.

  • Never once did he mark “like” for a Terry Pegula Facebook post.
  • He claimed Applebee’s had better wings than the Anchor Bar.
  • He had the same mailing address as Paula’s Donuts.
  • During autograph sessions he always signed his name as Maryalice Demler.
  • He always called Kim Terry and Terry Kim.
  • Management finally got wise to Marcel always arriving to practice drinking out of a salt-rimmed coffee mug.
  • On team flights that Kim Pegula flew on he always knowingly left the toilet seat up.
  • Management grew tired of him stealing the team’s supply of smelling salt ampules to hand out to trick-or-treaters.
  • While Marshawn Lynch championed Beast Mode, Marcel Dareus championed Feast Mode.
  • Management thought it would be funny to trade him to the Jags and then claim Jags was an acronym for Jack Ass Goes South.

Jeff Wozer provides a humorous take on our sometimes painful Buffalo sports scene.  Read his other stories here.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

Leave a Reply