Biggest Pet Peeves of Buffalo Sabre’s Mascot Sabretooth

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

You might think being a NHL team mascot is a great job.  But like many jobs, even Sabretooth has some parts of the work that bother him.  Buffalo Sports Page humorist has discovered the top pet peeves of the Sabres mascot.

  • When carpooling to special events with Lauren Hall she always tosses empty beer cans out car window.
  • Often mistaken for Tony the Tiger leaving fans disappointed when he refuses to say, “They’re great!”
  • Buffalo’s lame mascot dating scene.
  • Sesame Street’s Hard Rock Cafe for falsely accusing him of starting an 8-Muppet brawl.
  • Tiger stripes make his ass look big.
  • New York’s law requiring a 7-day waiting period for buying a t-shirt gun.
  • Inability to speak makes fans believe he’s intolerably aloof.
  • His poly-cotton twill fur causes tattoo pens to clog.
  • No one ever refers to him by his real name – Seth Leibowitz.
  • Lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for hitchhiking a ride home after games.
  • Mr. Met always applying pressure on him to go in on a mascot ponzi scheme.
  • Buffalo Zoo tigers won’t acknowledge him after refusing their demands to conceal a hacksaw in a deer carcass.
  • Doesn’t like hockey.

For more of Jeff’s humorous observations on Buffalo sports, visit his author’s section on Buffalo Sports Page.

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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