What EJ Manuel Was Overheard Telling Oakland Raider Teammates About Playing in Buffalo

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

With the Raiders coming to Buffalo Sunday, that means the return of former Bills first round draft pick E.J. Manuel.  Sports comedian Jeff Wozer has some ideas of what Manuel has told his Oakland teammates about playing in Buffalo.

  • “Beware of pranksters on sidelines always yelling, ‘I’m open!’”
  • “After one beer Buffalo’s Mayor Brown hands out spare keys to the city like Tic-Tacs. “
  • To QB Derek Carr: “Keep hands warm by asking the center to keep a hand warmer in his jock.”
  • “If you think ESPN’s John Clayton looks too scrawny to be a sports reporter wait until you see the Buffalo News’ Jerry Sullivan.”
  • “Buffalo has the only fans who reek of combustion.”
  • “When not in use Terry Pegula uses opposing team’s empty Gaterade cooler as a laundry hamper.”
  • “I kid you not. Those two fans in chef hats really aren’t chefs.”
  • “Terry Pegula has access to a button connected to visiting team’s sideline bench that creates painful electronic shocks.”
  • “I kid you not. Buffalo has a restaurant chain called ‘Just Pizza’ that also sells subs, tacos and potato skins.”
  • “Don’t let it bother you. It usually takes about an hour to adjust to the smell of burning fan flesh.“
  • “Whenever I started stadium parking lots featured signs that read: ‘Not responsible for cars damaged by errant EJ Manuel throws.’”

For more of Jeff’s funny thoughts on Buffalo sports, visit his author’s section at Buffalo Sports Page.

 

 

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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