Life on the Injured List?

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Given Phil Housley’s vagueness with injury descriptions here’s how he, if presented the chance, would describe other life situations:

• Mustard stain on shirt – Unwanted upper-body garment hue.
• Acne – Upper-body brail
• Basement flooding – Lower-structure moisture 
mob scene
• Bad haircut – Upper-body bowlweavel
• Lost wallet – Absent lower-body leather loyalty card valet
• Black-eye from bar fight – Upper-body fist tinting
• Knotted shoelace – Lower-body shoe removal 
obstruction
• Flat tire – Excessive rotational release
• Bad arm tattoo – Upper-body NBA syndrome
• Poison ivy on leg – Lower-body plant graffiti
• Unibrow – Upper-body Anthony Davis

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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