Signs Skepticism is Growing With the Bills
by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
In a preseason bereft of optimistic moments here are the top worrisome signs that skepticism is beginning to mount, both locally and nationally, for the Bills 2017 season:
– For confessional penance area priests are directing parishioners to say three Our Fathers and attend a Bills game.
– Tops Friendly Markets are noticeably unfriendly on game days.
-Perry’s, the official ice cream of the Buffalo Bills, has abandoned plans for a new flavor, “Playoff Bound Sundae,” for the more realistic “Matthew’s Mint Sternum Chip.”
-The Man in the Yellow Hat reports Curious George shows no curiosity in the Bills playoff chances.
– Tired of negative fan phone calls John Murphy now devotes a full hour of his show to holiday entertaining tips with Andrew Peters.
-Terry Pegula blames his conspicuous absence from games on Kim’s nagging yard work demands.
– Joel Osteen announces he has opened his mega-church doors to both flood victims and Bills fans.
– Dash’s paper grocery bags now come with cutout eye holes.
– An upcoming Rudolph the Reindeer remake features Bills bobble-head dolls on the Island of Misfit Toys.
– Bills Mafia follower numbers have grown so thin it’s accepting non-Italians.
– Fans with tickets are now getting drunk at home with the hope of getting arrested for DWI before arriving at New Era Field.
– Hurricane Spin Mop infomercial draws higher head-to-head local TV rating than Bills game.
– Terry Pegula keeps sending “You still interested?” texts to Jon Bon Jovi.