Signs Skepticism is Growing With the Bills

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

In a preseason bereft of optimistic moments here are the top worrisome signs that skepticism is beginning to mount, both locally and nationally, for the Bills 2017 season:

– For confessional penance area priests are directing parishioners to say three Our Fathers and attend a Bills game.

– Tops Friendly Markets are noticeably unfriendly on game days.

-Perry’s, the official ice cream of the Buffalo Bills, has abandoned plans for a new flavor, “Playoff Bound Sundae,” for the more realistic “Matthew’s Mint Sternum Chip.”

-The Man in the Yellow Hat reports Curious George shows no curiosity in the Bills playoff chances.

– Tired of negative fan phone calls John Murphy now devotes a full hour of his show to holiday entertaining tips with Andrew Peters.

-Terry Pegula blames his conspicuous absence from games on Kim’s nagging yard work demands.

– Joel Osteen announces he has opened his mega-church doors to both flood victims and Bills fans.

– Dash’s paper grocery bags now come with cutout eye holes.

– An upcoming Rudolph the Reindeer remake features Bills bobble-head dolls on the Island of Misfit Toys.

– Bills Mafia follower numbers have grown so thin it’s accepting non-Italians.

– Fans with tickets are now getting drunk at home with the hope of getting arrested for DWI before arriving at New Era Field.

– Hurricane Spin Mop infomercial draws higher head-to-head local TV rating than Bills game.

– Terry Pegula keeps sending “You still interested?” texts to Jon Bon Jovi.

 

 

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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