Top Rumors Why Marcell Dareus Was Sent Home

By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Top circulating rumors on the real reason why Marcell Dareus was sent home prior to Saturday’s game against the Baltimore Ravens:

  • During team flight didn’t notice lit occupied sign while Terry Pegula was using the bathroom.
  • Overheard telling rookies that drag racing is legal in Hamburg.
  • Borrowed the team’s concussion protocol tent for a backyard slumber party and returned it with a pole missing.
  • On team flight to Baltimore one of his two carry-on items was a Weber grill.
  • Arrived late from watching 60 Minutes interview Steve Tasker on disturbing rumors that in light of working TV preseason games with play-by-play announcer Andrew Catalon and sideline reporter Mike Catalana Bills’ management is pressuring him to change his name to Steve Catalasker.
  • Used Brandon Beane’s e-mail address to order on eBay a Preparation H 3-pack.
  • Caught using his meal per diem on scratch-off lottery tickets.
  • Lost track of time writing the forward to Mario Williams new book, The 7 Habits of Highly Infuriating Guys Who Wear Jockstraps at Work.
  • Arrived late due to longer than expected Bills Mafia ceremony elevating Carl Paladino to senior Don.
  • Got delayed at a Baltimore grocery store after falling for Kim Pegula’s gag memo requiring starters to bring a dish to pass.
  • Lost track of time trying to get Sammy Watkins new mailing address in order to return the George Foreman Grill he borrowed from him last July.
  • All part of a new Geico TV ad that asks, “Bills management disciplining a player for arriving late – surprising.”
  • Shocked to discover Baltimore isn’t in Mountain Time Zone.

Here’s where you can find more of Jeff’s humorous takes on Buffalo sports.

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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