Top Ways the Pegulas Can Help Energize Demoralized Bills Fan Base

By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

– Promise that after every Bills loss they’ll donate $10 to the Sierra Club.

– Add Candace Bergen to the “John Murphy Show” and rename it the “John Murphy Brown Show.”

– Make the team’s new marketing slogan, “Nevada has Burning Man, we have Burning Fan.”

-Reintroduce gray wolves into Orchard Park to enhance camping lot experience.

– Steal the Charger’s cannon and ask a drunken fan to blow it off whenever he or she feels compelled.

– Replace third-down train horn with the sound of Kevin O’Connell breathing heavily.

  • – Open a lingerie section in Bills’ gift shop featuring field goal net stockings.

– In stadium’s family section offer complimentary Ritalin jerky.

– Make streaking on the field legal only if on fire.

– Have the drunkest fans at halftime compete in a Grunt, Gas & Sick competition.

– Egg nog vendors.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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