Top Ways the Pegulas Can Help Energize Demoralized Bills Fan Base
By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
– Promise that after every Bills loss they’ll donate $10 to the Sierra Club.
– Add Candace Bergen to the “John Murphy Show” and rename it the “John Murphy Brown Show.”
– Make the team’s new marketing slogan, “Nevada has Burning Man, we have Burning Fan.”
-Reintroduce gray wolves into Orchard Park to enhance camping lot experience.
– Steal the Charger’s cannon and ask a drunken fan to blow it off whenever he or she feels compelled.
– Replace third-down train horn with the sound of Kevin O’Connell breathing heavily.
- – Open a lingerie section in Bills’ gift shop featuring field goal net stockings.
– In stadium’s family section offer complimentary Ritalin jerky.
– Make streaking on the field legal only if on fire.
– Have the drunkest fans at halftime compete in a Grunt, Gas & Sick competition.
– Egg nog vendors.