by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Last week, World Wrestling Entertainment’s Vince McMahon announced the XFL will return.  What kind of cutting-edge innovations can fans expect from the new league?  Sports comedian Jeff Wozer has some ideas.

• Fifteen yard penalty for hitting a quarterback with a folding chair.

• Two points for any player who tackles using the airplane spin.

• Bicuspid Cam.

• Each team must have at least one out-of-control player from, or allegedly from, Samoa.

• Cheerleader cat fights.

• Backup players can’t enter game until tagging the hand of the injured player they’re replacing.

• Announcers must refer to rain during games as “Gorilla Monsoons.”

• Pay-per-view inside sideline medical examination tents.

• The Royal Fumble – all 8 teams play on the same field at the same time.

• Touchdowns missed by referees distracted by staged brawls cannot be reviewed.

Jeff also wondered how it would be different if Jon Bon Jovi had actually bought the Bills. 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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