Top Reasons Why The Bills Lost to Carolina
by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
Here are funny-man Jeff Wozer’s thoughts on why the Bills lost to the Carolina Panthers.
- Players felt self-conscious wearing white pants after Labor Day.
- Offense didn’t want to reveal too much on tape for Denver to game-plan against next Sunday.
- Players were still trying to wrap their heads around Scott Levin’s stunning return to Channel 2 news. More than once players could be overheard in huddle shouting, “I thought that dude retired.”
- Instead of devising an offensive game plan coaches spent more time plotting how to take out a referee.
- Wanted to showcase punter Colton Schmidt for Pro Bowl considerations.
- Coach McDermott’s new iPhone 8 wouldn’t download How to Score in Football app.
- Offense felt less time on field would reduce chances of ruining uniforms with stubborn grass stains.
- Team bus arrived two hours late to stadium because GM Brandon Beane asked bus driver to drive by his old house.
- Team feared if it scored it would ruin new running joke: What does the Bills offense have in common with a road construction zone? Both have no passing.
- Coach McDermott erroneously believed unused timeouts could be redeemed for deep discounts on NFL Shop collectibles.
For more of Jeff Wozer’s humorous takes on Buffalo sports, visit his author’s page her at Buffalo Sports Page.