Top Reasons Why The Bills Lost to Carolina

by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Here are funny-man Jeff Wozer’s thoughts on why the Bills lost to the Carolina Panthers.

  • Players felt self-conscious wearing white pants after Labor Day.
  • Offense didn’t want to reveal too much on tape for Denver to game-plan against next Sunday.
  • Players were still trying to wrap their heads around Scott Levin’s stunning return to Channel 2 news. More than once players could be overheard in huddle shouting, “I thought that dude retired.”
  • Instead of devising an offensive game plan coaches spent more time plotting how to take out a referee.
  • Wanted to showcase punter Colton Schmidt for Pro Bowl considerations.
  • Coach McDermott’s new iPhone 8 wouldn’t download How to Score in Football app.
  • Offense felt less time on field would reduce chances of ruining uniforms with stubborn grass stains.
  • Team bus arrived two hours late to stadium because GM Brandon Beane asked bus driver to drive by his old house.
  • Team feared if it scored it would ruin new running joke: What does the Bills offense have in common with a road construction zone? Both have no passing.
  • Coach McDermott erroneously believed unused timeouts could be redeemed for deep discounts on NFL Shop collectibles.

For more of Jeff Wozer’s humorous takes on Buffalo sports, visit his author’s page her at Buffalo Sports Page.



Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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