by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Earlier this week, the Bisons held their annual “What’s new at the ballpark” event at Coca-Cola Field.  Sports comedian Jeff Wozer dug into the announcement, and found the top surprises that were announced.

• Instead of having a celebrity toss the game’s first pitch he or she will throw the game’s 87th pitch.

• Due to a legal snafu with musical rights Coca-Cola Field is limited this season to only playing Paul Anka’s “She’s Having My Baby.”

• Before every game food truck drag racing on Swan Street.

• The Celery mascot has been replaced by the Some-Type-of-Half-Eaten-Roll-Found-Near-an-Allentown-Dumpster mascot.

• At the end of the 5th inning of every game meteorologist Don Paul will run on to the field wearing nothing but bicycling shorts and a sombrero and attempt to catch a greased pig.

• In an attempt to speed up the game at the start of all extra innings a runner will be placed on second base atop a Kawasaki dirt bike.

• Until further notice mascots Buster and Chip are quarantined to the outfield berm area due to tick infestations.

• If a manager attempts to visit the mound after a 4th time he’ll be arrested for jaywalking.

• To attract drunken Bills fans every game will include a 7th inning retch.

• Star Wars Night replaced with Manchester by the Sea Night.

Read Jeff’s signs that an Amerks player won’t stay in Buffalo, and the top surprises from        O.J. Simpson’s interview with the Buffalo News.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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