Top Signs A Bills Rookie Won’t Make The Team

By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Sports Humorist

With team roster cuts approaching here are the top signs a Bills rookie probably won’t make the team:

  • Leaves early from practice to work the afternoon shift at Mighty Taco.
  • While appearing on the John Murphy Show refers to “Murph” as Kevin O’Connell.
  • During paint ball team bonding exercise uses Kim Pegula as a human shield.
  • After getting penalized in Eagle’s game asks Ed Hochuli if he can keep the flag as a memento.  
  • Upon signing rookie contract with Bills he thanks the team for bringing him one step closer to his boyhood dream of one day playing for the Patriots.
  • Spotted paying St. John Fisher dorm R.A. hush money.
  • When asked to share his life story before teammates he reveals his two biggest dislikes in life are people who like wrestling and people who cheer for Penn State.
  • Four plays into his first preseason game he requests a medical cart for chapped lips.
  • Uses huddles to espouse crazy conspiracy theories on why the Buffalo Bison’s celery character has never won a race.
  • Overbearing parents confront coach McDermott in New Era Field parking lot asking why their son isn’t playing more.
  • Spotted at Olive Garden dining with a tackling dummy.
  • Misses practice for personal reasons but is spotted later that same day at the Erie County Fair sharing an Orange Julius with the bearded lady.
  • Seen high-fiving Buffalo News reporter Jerry Sullivan.
  • Ignores Leslie Frazier’s Facebook friend request.
  • Despite repeated warnings from coach McDermott he looks at solar eclipse without NFL sanctioned Solar Eclipse glasses.
  • Often seen wearing a Ville Leino Sabres jersey.

For more of Jeff Wozer’s funny stuff, check out his page.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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