The unsuccessful and frustrating Kelvin Benjamin era in Buffalo came to an end this week when the Bills released their former top receiver.  Sports Humorist Jeff Wozer has uncovered Benjamin’s top excuses for his lack of success with the Bills. 

• Distracted by his off-field difficulties with meeting Buffalo women after losing his wingman, Russ Brandon.

• Believed Chinese Fortune Cookie that prophesied, “Average dropping 3.4 balls per game you’ll become a zillionaire.”

• No incentive to impress Buffalo after Terrell Owens told him the key to the city opens nothing.

• After Miami game realized he’s been wearing True Value gardening gloves.

• Thought “kaizen,” Sean McDermott’s favorite Japanese word, translated to “apathy.”

• Distracted by pain from dreadlock toupee clamp.

• Felt disrespected when no one would believe that he found a store just like the Lockport Outdoor Store within 1,000 miles.

• Feared teammates would merely go through the motions when participating in his carefully choreographed Swan Lake TD celebration.

• Felt 18 games with the Bills was a long enough audition for the New England Patriots.

• Miffed at Terry Pegula for using, without asking, his dreadlock comb.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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