By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

After a disappointing trade deadline, an unsatisfying return for Evander Kane and a season that will be yet another at the bottom of the NHL, sports comedian Jeff Wozer has seen signs that everyone in the Sabres organization is going through the motions.

• Zamboni driver has now gone 11 straight games resurfacing ice with the Zamboni’s check engine light on.

• Players ask officials if they can play 60 minutes of running time.

• Sabretooth spends games sitting by itself in empty 302 corner section doing word search puzzles.

• Two of the three designated Moe’s Hot Players of the games are goalies.

• Doug Allen sings national anthems wearing shower sandals.

• Buffalo’s PA announcer is now routinely 20 to 30 seconds late announcing one minute left in the period.

• Team no longer bothers to freeze pucks before games keeping them instead in locker room fridge’s crisper drawer.

• Zamboni resurfaces ice using concession stands’ boiled hot dog water.

• On Fan Appreciation Night team hands out umbrellas that suspiciously resemble Wegman’s courtesy umbrellas.

• To staunch player’s bleeding team physician uses Dunkin Donut napkins.

Jeff Wozer also discovered some of Rick Jeanneret’s pet peeves.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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