by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
Everyone has New Year’s resolutions this time of year. Even mascots. Buffalo Sabres mascot Sabretooth has prepared his list, and sports humorist Jeff Wozer has uncovered a copy.
• Date a Muppet.
• Dispel rumors it’s about to be traded to Detroit for a mascot to be named later.
• Get tail pierced.
• Pay National Enquirer $150 thousand to kill story of its alleged affair with Stormy Daniels.
• Buy pants.
• Apply for concealed t-shirt launcher permit.
• Get KeyBank Center security to keep kids away during cigarette breaks.
• Make decision on changing name and applying for the St. Louis opening as Blues-Tooth.
• Find dry cleaner who makes house calls to remove red wine stain from left elbow.
• After 20 years of not talking reconnect with paternal father, Frosted Flake’s Tony the Tiger.