By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

While it appears that no deal on Jeff Skinner’s new contract has been officially reached, sports humorist Jeff Wozer has discovered that some parts of the new deal have been agreed to by the Sabres and their leading scorer.

• As a fond reminder to his figure skating days he’s handed a bouquet of flowers after every shift.

• During road trips Terry Pegula has agreed to feed his fish.

• On team skit night he gets to play Lady Gaga.

• Team agrees to never reveal that the sticks he tosses over the glass to fans are Marco Scandella’s.

• Use of Pegula’s private jet for impressing babes.

• On team flights his drum set will no longer be counted as a carry-on item.

• In the event of hats being tossed on the ice following a hat trick he gets first dibs on sombreros.

• In between shifts he gets his choice of water bottle or thermos filled with delicious lobster bisque.

• Doug Allen, while singing “And the home of the brave,” points only at Skinner.

• Terry Pegula has agreed to confront Dan Dunleavy about never chipping in for carpool gas.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

Leave a Reply