by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
The National Lacrosse League has cancelled the first two weeks of their season due to a dispute with the players over a new contract. That has Buffalo Bandits fans here in WNY upset. One of them is sports humorist Jeff Wozer, who has figured out some of the demands the players are making of the NLL.
• Ban CNN’s Jim Acosta from covering games.
• Against owners’ cost-cutting demand that goalies use swimming pool skimmers for sticks.
• A rule preventing the Pegulas from owning every team in the league.
• On road trips owners can no longer charge goalies for three airline seats.
• Magic 8 lacrosse balls.
• Owners must stop referring to retired players as ex-lax.
• Give penalized teams the option of either sending a player to the penalty box or substituting its goalie with a really skinny guy.
• Gluten-free mouth guards.
• Lax players can bypass airport security in LAX Airport.
• Free access to Tiger versus Phil pay-per-view.