by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

The National Lacrosse League has cancelled the first two weeks of their season due to a dispute with the players over a new contract.  That has Buffalo Bandits fans here in WNY upset.  One of them is sports humorist Jeff Wozer, who has figured out some of the demands the players are making of the NLL.

• Ban CNN’s Jim Acosta from covering games.

• Against owners’ cost-cutting demand that goalies use swimming pool skimmers for sticks.

• A rule preventing the Pegulas from owning every team in the league.

• On road trips owners can no longer charge goalies for three airline seats.

• Magic 8 lacrosse balls.

• Owners must stop referring to retired players as ex-lax.

• Give penalized teams the option of either sending a player to the penalty box or substituting its goalie with a really skinny guy.

• Gluten-free mouth guards.

• Lax players can bypass airport security in LAX Airport.

• Free access to Tiger versus Phil pay-per-view.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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