by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

In light of the naming of Patriots owner Robert Kraft in a Florida message parlor sting, sports humorist Jeff Wozer has discovered other possible phone messages that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell doesn’t want to heard on his voicemail.

• “Just booked for the 2020 Super Bowl Halftime Show R. Kelly.”

• “This is Robert Kraft. I wasn’t soliciting sex. I was soliciting help after blowing out of my Nike sneaker.”

• “Robert Mueller here. We think Belichick colluded with Russia in making the last Super Bowl a yawn-fest.”

• “We’ve got problems. Instead of leaving the box of angry badgers at Colin Kaepernick’s front door the hired thug left it at Colin Powell’s.”

• “Terry Pegula calling. We’re moving the Bills to Sahlen Field.”

• “This is the D.C. police. We found Tom Brady naked on the lap of Lincoln’s statue.”

• “This is the United Nations. England is threatening to file a human rights violation against the NFL if you schedule another London game featuring Jacksonville.”

• “Bad News. Legal says we can’t stop Adam Levine from posting on his website, “As seen on the NFL’s 2019 Halftime Show.”

• “Robert Kraft again. Ask Trump to pardon me.”

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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