by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
Last week, the Bills sent out a survey to gauge Buffalo fans interest in a new stadium, or a renovated New Era Field. But sports humorist Jeff Wozer has discovered some important questions that were left off the survey.
• If we start a charity called “Stadiums for Humanity” would you be willing to donate your time in helping us build one downtown?
• Would you like to see Port-a-Toilets with 24-second clocks?
• Would you be more willing to buy season tickets if there was a separate seating section for face-painted people in wigs?
• Would you attend games if the Bills played on the infield of Lancaster Speedway?
• Would you attend games if there was an Annoying Teenager Seating section for teens who are too cool to sit with parents but need a ride to the game?
• Would you buy a personal Port-a-Toilet license?
• Would you like to see concession stands offer free flu shots?
• Would you be okay if we gave beer vendors the authority to whack obnoxious drunks across the shins with knotted sticks?
• Would you mind if we changed the stadium name to Pegula’s Pleasure Pit?
• Would you be more willing to attend a game if we changed the third-down train horn to the sound of John Murphy belching?