by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Last week, the Bills sent out a survey to gauge Buffalo fans interest in a new stadium, or a renovated New Era Field.  But sports humorist Jeff Wozer has discovered some important questions that were left off the survey.

• If we start a charity called “Stadiums for Humanity” would you be willing to donate your time in helping us build one downtown?

• Would you like to see Port-a-Toilets with 24-second clocks?

• Would you be more willing to buy season tickets if there was a separate seating section for face-painted people in wigs?

• Would you attend games if the Bills played on the infield of Lancaster Speedway?

• Would you attend games if there was an Annoying Teenager Seating section for teens who are too cool to sit with parents but need a ride to the game?

• Would you buy a personal Port-a-Toilet license?

• Would you like to see concession stands offer free flu shots?

• Would you be okay if we gave beer vendors the authority to whack obnoxious drunks across the shins with knotted sticks?

• Would you mind if we changed the stadium name to Pegula’s Pleasure Pit?

• Would you be more willing to attend a game if we changed the third-down train horn to the sound of John Murphy belching?

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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