Wozer: Top Reasons Peterman Was Named Bills Starting QB

By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

The announcement came on Monday.  Nathan Peterman, not rookie Josh Allen, will be the Bills starting quarterback for the season opener on Sunday in Baltimore.  How did that happen?  Was it only Peterman’s performance on the field?  What didn’t Allen do to earn the job?  Sports humorist Jeff Wozer has uncovered some previously unreported reasons why Peterman will take the first snap on Sunday.

• No brainer after Leslie Frazier in the coaching staff’s fantasy football draft selected Josh Allen.

• Peterman promised if named starter he’d quit his other job waiting tables at Red Lobster.

• McDermott doesn’t like how center Ryan Groy giggles like a schoolgirl whenever Allen puts his hands under him.

• Pegulas demanded Peterman after he agreed to housesit their dog during their bye-week vacation.

• Peterman’s choreographed touchdown celebration thoughtfully includes members of the coaching staff.

• McDermott lost faith in Allen after he threw his helmet when told he had to work Columbus Day.

• The Pegulas think it will improve their chances of getting a discount on their next J. Peterman order.

• McDermott miffed at Allen for borrowing the team’s sideline medical tent to go camping and returning it with three tent stakes missing.

• For the home opener it makes the Los Angeles Charger’s complacent.

• Peterman’s parents promised to provide halftime snacks.

For more of Jeff Wozer’s fun takes on Buffalo sports, check out the  top rumors about Billy Buffalo’s new look & Josh Allen’s pet peeves.