by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
Top Reasons Why the Trade Between Bills & Antonio Brown Failed
• Bills balked at Brown’s demand that St John Fisher waive its dorm policy of no hot plates.
• Bills nixed trade after Brown expressed interest in replacing Whoopi Goldberg on “The View.”
• Brown thought Williamsville and Allentown were renamed after Bills players and became miffed when there was no mention of Antonio Falls.
• Brown nixed trade after learning the city had not changed its locks since giving Terrell Owens a key to the city.
• Bills balked at Brown’s demand for a New Era Field dress code banning fat guys in tank tops.
• Bills nixed trade after team feared practices would be disrupted by seagulls mistaking Brown’s blond mustache for a discarded French fry.
• Brown vetoed trade after learning Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown said, “If he signs with the Bills, for the sake of my political career, I want this nut-job to say we’re not related.”
• Brown voided trade after Pegula’s rejected renaming “My One Buffalo” to “My One Antonio.”