by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Top Reasons Why the Trade Between Bills & Antonio Brown Failed

• Bills balked at Brown’s demand that St John Fisher waive its dorm policy of no hot plates.

• Bills nixed trade after Brown expressed interest in replacing Whoopi Goldberg on “The View.”

• Brown thought Williamsville and Allentown were renamed after Bills players and became miffed when there was no mention of Antonio Falls.

• Brown nixed trade after learning the city had not changed its locks since giving Terrell Owens a key to the city.

• Bills balked at Brown’s demand for a New Era Field dress code banning fat guys in tank tops.

• Bills nixed trade after team feared practices would be disrupted by seagulls mistaking Brown’s blond mustache for a discarded French fry.

• Brown vetoed trade after learning Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown said, “If he signs with the Bills, for the sake of my political career, I want this nut-job to say we’re not related.”

• Brown voided trade after Pegula’s rejected renaming “My One Buffalo” to “My One Antonio.”

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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