By Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

It appears to be official, despite some tweets over the weekend, that Bills guard Richie Incognito is retiring from the NFL.  Sports humorist Jeff Wozer found out some of the reasons why.

• Mulling lucrative Hollywood offer to don a wig and work as Roseanne’s stunt double.

• Upset Bills won’t use him as a punt returner.

• Miffed that in order to continue receiving high definition cable he must now obtain a Spectrum receiver.

• Difficult to ignore the temptations of enjoying the exciting life of an Amway salesman.

• Miffed the Pegula’s didn’t use their clout to prevent Macy’s from abandoning the McKinley Mall.

• Tired of arguing with skeptical teammates that DiGiorno truly does taste like delivery pizza.

• Still harbors lifelong dream to skate with Disney on Ice.

• Still miffed teammates rejected his choreographed TD celebration idea mimicking seagulls floating in the wind as lame.

• Angry that the Pegula’s make all players attend at least one Sabres game.

• Kidneys and liver can’t handle the irony of belonging to a person who is a lighting rod for media attention yet has the name of Incognito.

Read Jeff’s take on the surprising revelations at Sabres locker cleanout day.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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