by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

In two drafts as the Sabres GM, Jason Botterill has yet to draft a player from the Canadian junior hockey leagues.  He claims it’s strategic, based on being able to hold the rights to college and European players longer.  But sports humorist Jeff Wozer has uncovered some other reasons why Botterill may be staying away from north of the border skaters.

• Miffed that because of the Canadian national anthem, team forced to pay singer Doug Allen double.

• Resents Canada for giving us Justin Bieber.

• Jealous of Canada’s Niagara Falls side being prettier than the U.S. side.

• Still miffed at Canada for burning the White House during the War of 1812.

• Finds Canadian players to be boorish bacon snobs.

• As a child his mother used to discipline him with a maple branch.

• Fewer Canadian players improves his chances of winning the team’s in-house fantasy curling league.

• Canadian players known for dividing locker rooms with their toxic Aunt Jemima versus Mrs. Butterworth debates.

• The more Swedish players on the team, the better his chances of meeting the Swedish Bikini Team.

• Resents Canadian-born Jeopardy host Alex Trebek always coming across like a snooty know-it-all.

Jeff also has some thoughts on what Botterill likes about being the Sabres GM, and what was overheard at the team’s draft table last week.

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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