by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
In two drafts as the Sabres GM, Jason Botterill has yet to draft a player from the Canadian junior hockey leagues. He claims it’s strategic, based on being able to hold the rights to college and European players longer. But sports humorist Jeff Wozer has uncovered some other reasons why Botterill may be staying away from north of the border skaters.
• Miffed that because of the Canadian national anthem, team forced to pay singer Doug Allen double.
• Resents Canada for giving us Justin Bieber.
• Jealous of Canada’s Niagara Falls side being prettier than the U.S. side.
• Still miffed at Canada for burning the White House during the War of 1812.
• Finds Canadian players to be boorish bacon snobs.
• As a child his mother used to discipline him with a maple branch.
• Fewer Canadian players improves his chances of winning the team’s in-house fantasy curling league.
• Canadian players known for dividing locker rooms with their toxic Aunt Jemima versus Mrs. Butterworth debates.
• The more Swedish players on the team, the better his chances of meeting the Swedish Bikini Team.
• Resents Canadian-born Jeopardy host Alex Trebek always coming across like a snooty know-it-all.