by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

• Grant him immunity to the team’s pre-game three beer limit.

• $1,000 of K-mart stock.

• Have girl who turned him down at junior prom drop the puck during ceremonial face-off.

• Bribe Jeff Bezos into announcing he’s locating Amazon’s second headquarters in Pominville.

• Customized cargo hockey pants.

• A lifetime healthcare plan that waives jock itch as a pre-existing condition.

• A necklace made from teeth found on the KeyBank Center’s ice surface.

• Invitation to slow dance at center ice with his wife during the national anthems.

• From now on can skip warm-ups to watch PBS Newshour in its entirety.

• First dibs on Terry Pegula’s back issues of Oprah’s O Magazine.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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