by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Major League Baseball teams begin to report to training camps in Florida and Arizona this week.  Even here in Buffalo, there are signs that the baseball season is getting close.

• Paula’s now selling chewing tobacco-filled donuts.

• Ice booms removed from Sahlen Field’s toilet bowls.

• Instead of snow shovels car thieves are again busting car windows with baseball bats.

• Because of MLB baseball previews ESPN’s SportsCenter now devoting only 59 minutes, instead of the usual 60, to basketball coverage.

• Bison mascots schedule released: Beef and poultry dishes report Feb 12; condiments and side dishes report Feb 14.

• Bisons now averaging 24 calls a day from Pegulas asking if team is for sale.

• In a proactive move Governor Cuomo considering declaring a state of emergency for the Mets.

• Thanks to Bartolo Colon Gatorade plans to release a sports laxative.

• Buffalo General Hospital hiring seasonal help to handle influx of seventh-inning stretch injuries.

• Stripper’s at Pharaoh’s pole dancing to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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