by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

The Buffalo Marathon will be run this Sunday through the streets of the Queen City. It is a highlight of the year for local runners.  But as sports humorist Jeff Wozer found out, not every runner is ready for the challenge of 26.2 miles through the streets of Buffalo.

• The night before the race you bury in Gates Circle a cache of pizza logs.

• At mile four you blow a heel strap on your Crocs.

• Seek medical help for ankle bracelet chafing.

• In case of emergency on registration form you list Lloyd’s Taco Truck.

• On the backside of your bib at mile three you compose a will.

• What most believe to be dry sweat on your neck is dried salt from last night’s upside down margarita.

• While passing Forest Lawn Cemetery you consider asking if you can be buried now in a Port-O-Potty coffin.

• You’re moving so slow police threaten to arrest you for loitering.

• Mixed up your dates and feel stupid running with pussy willows thinking it was Dingus Day.

• After mile six you realize a marathon is more physically demanding than running around Coca Cola Field in a bleu cheese costume.

For those who don’t run marathons, Jeff has some thoughts on the Bisons becoming the Buffalo Wings.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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