by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Derek Anderson will start at quarterback for the Bills on Monday Night vs. New England.  It’s just a few weeks removed from him being home with his kids and on vacation. So a few parts of being back on an NFL team have been a surprise to Anderson, and that’s prompted some odd requests of the Bills coaching staff.  Sports humorist Jeff Wozer unconvered the top things that coaches don’t want to hear from their new quarterback.

  • Do you mind if I wear pajamas under my uniform?
  • Instead of game films can we watch “Doctor Oz”?
  • How come no one is wearing flags around their hips?
  • Since when don’t defensive players have to count to three-Mississippi before rushing?
  • Do you mind if I leave after halftime to beat the traffic?
  • To notify teammates I’m calling an audible can I use the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
  • During games can I wear the red non-contact jersey?
  • I’m not playing unless Anderson’s gives me a discount on my next frozen custard.
  • During halftime can I stay on the field to watch the marching band?
  • Sorry I’m late but my flight got delayed while returning from partying with Chad Kelly.

Jeff has also uncovered a list of other items as unlikely as Anderson being the Bills starting QB.

 

 

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s Active.com, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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