by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist

Friday in Las Vegas, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson will square off in a pay-per-view, head-to-head showdown for a winner-takes-all $9 million dollars.  If that isn’t interesting enough, sports humorist Jeff Wozer has found some other ways to make this event more interesting.

• For an on-course announcer, use an over-caffeinated Kanye West.

• Loser for the next year must hire John Daly as his fashion consultant.

• Drive golf carts without brakes.

• Side bet on who can hit a drive through the kitchen window of some nearby rich guy’s house.

• No yelling fore to alert spectators.

• Loser at next year’s Masters must give CBS announcer Verne Lundquist a backrub.

• Anyone who shoots a double bogey gets punched in the spleen by Floyd Mayweather.

• Every other hole they must drink a new Gatorade flavor: Recalled Romaine Lettuce.

• Loser for the next season must use Philadelphia Flyer mascot, Gritty, as his caddy.

• Use snapping turtles as golf ball markers.

Jeff Wozer

Nationally touring stand-up comedian Jeff Wozer has performed with some of comedy’s biggest acts – Martin Short, John Oliver, Brian Reagan – and on some of comedy’s biggest stages – Red Rocks Amphitheater, the Las Vegas strip, Great American Comedy Festival.

His humor articles have appeared in more than 40 publications including ESPN’s, Rocky Mountain Sports and the Explorer Club’s Explorer’s Journal.

Prior to veering into comedy he worked as a sports and news director for WFAD in Middlebury, Vermont where he won an Associated Press award for hockey play-by-play. And he spent two years as the play-by-play voice for the Vail Avalanche junior hockey team in Vail, Colorado.

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