by Jeff Wozer, Buffalo Sports Page Humorist
We’re in the middle of a major winter storm. But thankfully, the Sabres are playing in Dallas on Wednesday night. But what might happen if the team had a home game? Sports humorist Jeff Wozer has some ideas.
• Hospital emergency rooms jammed with scalpers being treated for frostbite.
• Sabres finally get chance to break out their Isotoner hockey gloves.
• Buffalo police patrol outside KeyBank Center in Canalside Bumper Cars.
• Marty Biron broadcasts from Brian Duff’s lap.
• US Border Patrol agents ask Canadians coming to game via the Peace Bridge only one question: “Would you mind blowing on my hands?”
• The only song KeyBank Center organist can play wearing mittens is Chopsticks.
• Instead of Polar Vortex locals refer to the bitter cold as a KeyBank Center Vortex.
• Game delayed after Carter Hutton’s tongue freezes to goalpost.
• Team physician rushes to injured players wearing a Saint Bernard whiskey barrel collar.