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Budd Bailey

The Sabres' annual inside joke


By Budd Bailey


I always used to look forward to the publication of the Buffalo Sabres’ annual media guide/yearbook (the title varied) at this time of the year.  Yes, it was a sign that hockey season was right around the corner, which was nice. The book also was a handy reference source during the season. Programs, yearbooks – I couldn’t buy enough of that stuff as a kid.  


But another reason for welcoming autumn, at least concerning the Sabres, popped up along the way too. I found myself wondering what the team’s annual inside joke in the guide would be. What’s more, I even went on to write that inside joke in the years between 1987 and 1992. But I’ve never seen it discussed in public. Time to change that.


The humorous aside in the guide that started almost 50 years ago was another sign that legendary public relations director Paul Wieland’s mind hardly had taken the summer off – not that we expected anything less of him.


The first five of the team’s media guides were straight-forward when it came to media information. Then, perhaps Wieland became a little giddy after the team reached the NHL Finals in 1975. That fall, this paragraph closed out the “accommodations and media services” section: “Special arrangements can be made for coverage of Sabres games by agricultural and other trade and business journals providing proper media identification is presented the preceding August. This regulation does not apply to mimeographed publications nor those of various regional egg marketing boards and cooperatives.”


The thought of media members reading that can still make me chuckle. It was a silly concept but not obviously fake, which was Paul’s trademark. There’s one other point to be made about it. Remember, the book came out at the start of training camp at the earliest. It would have been really difficult for agricultural business journals to have their application for credentials in by August, if they only read about it a month later.


We were off. The feedback must have been good for the item, because a new one came in the 1976-77 book: “The Sabres will supply dictionaries on request, but disclaim any responsibility for misspellings, mis-quotes or malaprops by writers or broadcasters.” I wonder if anyone asked for a dictionary.


At that point, it became a tradition, at least for a while.


1977-78: “Because of the extreme height of the press box, there are skydiving exhibitions on the eves of holiday games. Special arrangements can be made for such exhibitions by calling the Sabres’ public relations office at least 48 hours in advance of your visit.”


1978-79: “There is a petting zoo near the team dressing rooms which is open before and after games, but media personnel are not allowed to bring pets to games without pre-registration with the Sabres public relations office. (Pet gerbils and gnats are excepted.)”


1979-80: “Because of the height of the press box, and due to lack of elevators in Memorial Auditorium, the Sabres will operate hot air balloon service between ice level and the press box entrance. Service will be every five minutes “up” and every 10 minutes “down.” Balloon attendant will be Jose Cantinflas. The balloon ramp is located on the Pearl St. side of the main lobby and is marked with the word “UP” and an arrow pointing toward the ceiling.” (Did anyone wonder how a balloon went up every five minutes but only came down after 10?)]


As Wieland moved more into the broadcasting part of the operation, the jokes moved with him to a different page of the guide.


1980-81: “Taro, the wonder bison and youthful daughter of Tsujimoto, is on stand-by at the Buffalo Zoo as a backup broadcaster should any of the aforementioned by unable to appear.”  (The Sabres had “adopted” a Buffalo at the Zoo, and named it after their famous mythical draft choice, Taro Tsujimoto.)


1981-82: “All Sabres’ night games are played indoors and under the lights unless otherwise noted.*” (At the bottom of the page was a footnote that read, “*Otherwise noted.” ) It went on to say, “Day games are played indoors except when played at Rich Stadium when natural ice is available or in Wrigley Field when on the road in Chicago.”


1982-83: “Selected Sabres telecasts are beamed to the INTELLESEET satellite stationed 3 degrees northwest of equatorial orbit and then retransmitted from this point 13,500 miles above the earth’s surface to cable systems on Pluto, where they will arrive in 372 light years. Play-by-play and color announcers for the Plutonian re-broadcasts have yet to be announced.”


1983-84: After explaining that overtime had been added to the NHL’s regular season, the book explained broadcasting procedures: “The rapidly-increasing cost of television and radio time has obviated the need to leave the air at the end of regulation time. Therefore, no overtime periods will be broadcast or telecast involving the Sabres. To find the result of any game, fans and media should send a self-addressed stamped envelop to WHO WON? c/o Buffalo Sabres, Memorial Auditorium Buffalo, New York 14202.”


Maybe someone took that last item seriously, as the joke disappeared in the 1984-85 edition and was gone the next year as well. But one returned in the fall of 1986, concerning pregame meals: “While meals are served before games, the use of food for any other purpose such as throwing, sculpture or macrame is strictly prohibited by New York State law and NHL regulations.”


Then in the fall of 1987, Paul handed me the baton. I had joined the team's public relations department the previous year, and I tried to follow the tradition of the old master as well as I could: “There is no media parking area. However, media members may reserve space in the special lot for their weather balloons. Spots are limited.” I always remembered a joke made by the “Sports Huddle” radio show in Boston about the Bruins’ hosting “Weather Balloon Night.”


A year later, the Sabres went into the television business with the purchase of Channel 49, which aired many of the games. The problem was that Sabre broadcasts frequently shared the prime-time schedule with re-runs of “Gomer Pyle,” much to Wieland’s dismay. It led to me writing this: “Press box seats will be filled on a space-available basis. Gate-crashers in the press box will be forced to watch reruns of ‘Gomer Pyle’ for four hours.” Paul liked that one.


The team’s 20th anniversary season came in 1989-90, and was on my mind when I wrote this: “The hundreds of unclaimed credentials from the Sabres’ 19 years of play will be the central attraction in the ‘Sabres’ Press Pass Hall of Fame,’ which is scheduled to be part of the planned renovation of Memorial Auditorium.” I typed up a lot of press passes in six years that were never used for one reason or another.


The fall of 1990 led to a dose of Buffalo sports history after a note on keeping press passes available: “Those who do not have their passes clearly visible may be asked by the press box attendant to correctly answer 10 questions on the Buffalo Braves, Stallions and Royals.” The operative word in that sentence was “may,” so I didn’t bother giving a list of questions to my old friend Shawn Ryan, who guarded the entrance to the media area in his job as “press box goon.”


The following year I poked fun at my own lack of taste buds when it came to the pregame meal: “The club’s director of information will be personally supervising the menu this season, which means that all foods with any flavor as well as any condiments may be banned from the press lounge. It is suggested that media members develop a taste for plain hot dogs and vanilla ice cream.”


I left the organization in the summer of 1992, and Paul soon followed me out the door. The jokes stopped for a while. Happily, Bruce Wawrzyniak picked up the tradition in 1995 with a reference to the team’s last year in the Aud: “After the start of the game, credentials will be held at the main office for late-arriving media members. However, admittance privileges to the press box, lounge and working facility will be suspended until the tardy individual can produce a memento from each of the 25 seasons the Sabres have played in the Aud.”  


In 1996, Bruce threw a bouquet at “Late Night with David Letterman”: “In light of this being the inaugural season in a new arena, tours will be offered. Interested parties should meet staff tour guide Larry ‘’Bud’ Melman at the team’s former home – Memorial Auditorium – for the first part of the trek, entitled ‘Memories.’”


When Wawrzyniak departed, the tradition went with him. By that time, sports teams had become a little too big and a little too serious to poke a little fun at themselves. Boo.


I miss the days when such organizations could do that. Heck, I miss printed versions of the Sabres’ media guide; it went digital in the fall of 2008. Consider this recap a tribute to Wieland and his unique perspective. 


(Follow Budd on X.com via @WDX2BB)

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